The 3 Psychological Phases of Addiction Recovery

The question is often asked, “Why is treating people with addictions so difficult?” Recovery is a challenging process. It is not linear; there are many up’s and down’s, and relapse is common. There are a number of factors involved including the effects of the addiction on the body and especially the brain, which can overshadow even the most determined person. But what about the psychological challenges? What is the best path for recovery from a psychological perspective and what are the stumbling blocks? A successful recovery generally goes through a 3-phase process described below.

Phase 1 – Exploration

The first phase is one of learning and discovery. New ideas learned early in treatment promote new insights and a realization that change is possible and even fun. There is an excitement in understanding the dynamics of one’s own thoughts and feelings. One realizes that he/she is not crazy, and that many old patterns of behaving and feeling are survival mechanisms, which were necessary to overcome crises in growing up. One also learns that he she is not alone. Often this is done through attending Twelve Step meetings, reading books, or participating in group therapy. Every day becomes an adventure as one learns to manipulate the environment in a friendly way and sees that it responds in kind. One begins to exercise one’s will and self for the betterment of self rather than as a control/ insecurity issue. One begins to see oneself from a more objective point of view and is not so threatened by the perceptions of others. New relationships are developed as one learns to develop trust, and then out of the sense of equality, sharing and being become the basis for relationships instead the need for control or to win. A mutual respect for all living creatures begins to develop.

Typically, during this phase one feels more energy and relief that leads to euphoria as the body relaxes and unlocks. One feels freer on the inside and a sense of humor and fun emerges. With these more natural feelings, comes mental clarity and insight. The perception is that a weight has been lifted and acceptance of the past becomes easier. A sense of spiritual trust develops as one becomes willing to accept change. The degree of willingness determines the rate of acceleration through the phases. This is not a one-time happening, but one has to let go and surrender to each core issue.

Phase 2- Disintegration

This is when one feels like he/she is disintegrating, which is exactly what is happening. It has best been described as “coming apart at the seems”, which means that previous definitions, beliefs, and perceptions are not what they seemed to be. The unhealthy model upon which life was structured loses its meaning and relevance. One starts to challenge one’s own identity and starts to realize,” I don’t know who I am.” When one switches from being whatever everyone else wants him/her to be, to being who he/she is, there is a great sense of loss, confusion and self-doubt. One is treading on unknown territory without a map or at least without much experience. But this is the doorway to a new, more real identity.

One attempts in the confusion to get back to normal and possibly relapse, but what was normal is now abnormal and no longer provides the illusion of being okay, because it is unhealthy and destructive. If one feels like he/she is losing it at this phase, one is getting it.

Self-pity is common at this time but must be replaced by self-compassion. Self-pity is blaming and punishing while self-compassion is accepting and transforming. One must avoid false pride. False pride is when one thinks, “I am nothing; but I have to do it myself;” whereas pride says,” I know who I am, and I can use the help of others.”

During phase two, one will have strong feelings or feel totally numb. It is important not to act out these feelings, but to learn surrender, which means once is not have to do anything, rather one just has to be.

Often one will experience grief, and it is important to grieve and have a good cry. (A good cry is healing as opposed to a bad cry which is self-pity.) This is not a good time to make plans or initiate any major life changes. At times, one, in acts of desperation, will do something totally irrational such as returning to using just to change how one feels, but this increases the chaos. One has to stay the course and to work from the inside out meaning, “My life will become okay when I become okay.” Reminding oneself that, “Recovery is a process,” must become like a mantra. This is the phase when most people quit and relapse.

Phase 3 Creative Rejuvenation

This is the phase when one receives wisdom from the heart. This kind of wisdom can only come through experience. It is a time of self-revelation and creating balance, which results as one develops an understanding of a Higher Power as an active creative force in one’s life. The Higher Power guides and directs one through conscious contact, which means that as one tunes oneself to one’s place in the universe, one becomes fully awaken and solutions and answers come. One learns to trust one’s own intuition and to see how the Higher Power works through self and others.

One begins to see the cosmic humor in one’s lives and laughs at what used to make him or her cry. Fun becomes a celebration of life and not an escape. Joy comes in the moment– a sunrise, a child’s first step, the petals of a flower, etc.

At the same time, one develops the power of intimacy and a full range of emotions. One shares his or her being. Closeness is built in sharing ones pain and secrets as well as ones joys and discoveries. One has the power to be with others without the need to be defensive, and they sense it. What others think becomes less important. Old unhealthy friendships become less desirable, and one learns to let go of unhealthy people, places, and situations, even if they are family. At the same time, one becomes less judgmental and more tolerant and compassionate towards others. Helping others is a true expression of concern and not a covert way to gain acceptance. There is less genderizing and sexualizing in the intimacy. Yet at the same time one develops a native sexuality that is not exploitive, but a natural expression of the body and of love.

One learns to overcome the past by learning from it. Emotions are not seen as bad, but messages to be understood. One utilizes the negative aspects of life as a way to grow and deepens one’s commitment and faith. One realizes that power comes through surrender and not controlling, and finally, one seeks the truth, rather than to be right.

by Jon Winder, L.P.C., L.S.A.T.P., author of Getting Unstuck and developer of the DAAC Deck